I got word recently that my job was going to be cut. It was sudden, unexpected, and sad. Thankfully I was offered another temporary, part time position to tide me over. There are a lot of things to be thankful for... my health, my education, my husband, the experience I've had there. But it still hurts.
I was (mostly) a straight-A student in high school and college. Doing well in school was part of how I defined myself. I always imagined I would find an awesome job, be really successful, climb the ladder, and be a leader. After I graduated, I did go on to find some great opportunities, but I'm nowhere near as successful as I thought I would be by this time in my life. Disappointing your past self is painful. Losing my job suddenly really drove that emotion home.
I've had a few weeks to process this and wallow in my self pity. But then one day on BART, reading O Magazine, I had an epiphany. I need to make something of this underemployment period. If I can look back on it and feel good about how I spent my time, it won't be so bad. So I've decided to recommit myself to another core aspect of who I have always been.
Anyone who knows me from high school can tell you that I have long defined myself as a helper. My name and Key Club were synonymous. I did community service almost every weekend, and tried to convince people to join at every opportunity. That intense drive waxed and waned over the years, but with every opportunity I've been offered, the first thing I've considered is "How will I be helping? How will this work make the world better?" Then the next things I've had to consider are, "How much does it pay? Will this support my long-term goals? Will there be benefits?". All those grown-up things.
Now I have an incredible opportunity to be a Key Clubber again. Not literally of course, but I can go back to the freedom of helping people here and there, to the best of my ability, without the pressure of it having to be a strategic career move or anything permanent. For as long as I'm underemployed (or heaven forbid, unemployed), I'm going to commit to doing two acts of service a week. I don't want to be overly prescriptive of what that entails, just as long it's something I'm proud of.
I made this blog to document the things I do so that on those discouraging days when no one's getting back to me about my resume, and I start to fall into a spiral of despair, I can look at it and see the silver lining right in front of me. Depression can distort the thoughts in your mind, so I'm gearing up to create some hard evidence against that harsh self-criticism.
I admire your desire and commitment to help society and you definitely have my full support! In the next two months while I'm still on leave and with Jayden's "cooperation," I would like to engage in something meaningful with you. Just want you to know, I'm proud to have you as a close friend...like a family member. And as Jayden grows up, you will be a great role model who showcase the value of life.
ReplyDeleteJen! Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot to me, and I would love to do something together! Next time we get together we can talk about possibilities. xoxo
DeleteIt's hard to see what lies ahead and how difficult times like these will shape our individual stories. Steady employment doesn't always equate with success. Sometimes it's a result of complacency. Most people aren't willing to take big risks and look for work that is rewarding and maximizes their full potential. The problem with you Mai is that you have soo much potential that it's hard to find a job that can capitalize on all that you have to offer.
ReplyDeleteI am so so proud of you, your achievements, and how you are proactive at making good happen all around you. I have no doubt that when you eventually look back at your life, it will be amazing and successful. For now, keep your head up. I love you. Hubba, Hubba I'm a Key Clubba!
Thank you, Tran! I owe so much of who I am to the example you set for me, of being thoughtful, working hard, giving back! I think about that a lot in the mentoring I do, because I know from experience what a difference it makes to have someone to look up to. Thanks for all your love and support, always.
DeleteThat's awesome that you're going to utilize the underemployment. When I list my job I was miserable for a while and then I figured what better time to try new things and get things in order. Now that I've embraced it, I'm enjoying learning about myself and exploring. I'm excited to read about what you do :)
ReplyDeleteKey Club for life! :)
It's so nice to hear from you, Dia! Those Key Club days were the best :) What did you do to make the most of your underemployment time?
DeleteI've spent the time on doing things that I haven't gotten a chance to do. Daylan and I live with my mom and she's so awesome and supports me trying things. So far, I started therapy, which was a big move but I'd been putting it off for ages, I started doing crossfit, and sort of training for a half marathon, and am applying to go back to grad school. All things that I'd put off by assuming I didn't have time to do with a kid and work and stuff. I started to have a "no excuses" attitude when I got let go. It's been awesome. Kind of like getting laid off was a blessing in disguise.
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