Wonderemployment

This week I went to the  Center for Youth Wellness's ACEs Conference in San Francisco. It was really special to be able to attend this event because of the personal impact ACEs science has had on me. It changed the way I viewed myself and my life, and has also motivated my interest in public health and prevention. If you are not familiar with ACEs, it stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. A groundbreaking study  from Kaiser and the CDC has found that childhood trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or household disfunction, greatly increases long-term health risks and likelihood of early death. A while back, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris' TED talk on this topic made the rounds on Facebook, and it is worth watching to understand the significance of this research: Being at the conference, studying this in class, AND thinking about early childhood trauma at work has been a bit overwhelming this week (like it may actually be giving me hives), but it is so important, I have to le...

This past year has been such a strange one. While everyone was posting memes about how 2016 was the WORST, I actually felt like it was one of the best years ever for me. Holly came into our lives, we bought a house, and I found work I love. Things have fallen into place better than I could have imagined. I'm living the American dream, and it feels really good. But then I look outward and things seem to be crumbling. Like many, I read the news every day just shaking my head, wondering what has become of this country and how much more his supporters and political party will tolerate before they say unequivocally: THIS IS NOT US. He has shown himself to have no self-control, no governing experience, no regard for the rights of American people. Some days I want to throw my hands up and give up on understanding. Right now it's really hard to be proud to be an American.  My bad-ass STEM mom But I do love this country. I owe my whole existence to Americans who accepted re...

I'm writing this post from my childhood bedroom in Portland. There's still a giant moon lamp from Ikea on the wall and framed pictures of me and my friends from middle school and high school. There is also now a baby sleeping in a crib at the foot of the bed, and a dresser drawer filled with my husband's clothes.  I used to feel strange coming home, and seeing all the places I had made memories with people no longer in my life. Being here felt heavy and I couldn't shake the pervasive feeling of loss and regret. The constant rain and drizzly weather didn't help. As years have passed that feeling has transformed, and I've learned to love coming home again. The memories just remind me of the changes that have forced me to pivot, and to break free, and to grow.  Slowly new memories take up more and more space in my heart. There was Curtis' first trip to Portland with me, not knowing yet that it would be the first of many. There's the daily expectation of...

My cousin asked people to write letters to her daughter for her 13th birthday with advice, thoughts, and reflections. I loved the idea, but it took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to say. There is so much to say to someone so young. And we are all on such different paths, who knows if any advice is the right advice. I'm not sure that I whittled it down to the right things, but here is my letter. --- Dear Cate, Thirteen is one of the most vivid years of my life, mostly because it was one of the hardest. Many adults will try to tell you how easy you have it now--no responsibilities, no work, no bills to pay-- but I don't know a single adult who would rather be 13 than 30. I don't say this to fill you with dread, but more to let you know that if things feel hard and confusing, it's not just you. It's universal. It's nature's hazing ritual. If you're feeling any pressure that these should be the best years of your life, let it go. There ar...

Often my blog drafts begin as emails to myself that I write during my commute or while I'm traveling. Sometimes they make it straight to the blog, and other times they end up in draft folder purgatory. I was sorting through my emails recently and came across this post that I wrote last summer. It still seems relevant and worth sharing, especially since today is the second anniversary of this blog. This blog has been such a rewarding project for me. It has helped me to think about my experiences in a different way, to open doors for bigger conversations, and to reclaim my long lost love: writing. --- I spent my flight to Minneapolis reading Katie Couric's The Best Advice I Ever Got: Lessons from Extraordinary Lives . I think under regular circumstances I would find the essays a bit cliched. The overarching themes are to be expected: work hard, follow your passions, be kind to others. But I find myself once again with the stirring feeling that I am not where I am supposed...

Last week I got to spend some time in Washington, DC for a work conference. It was the first time I had been back since I moved back to the Bay Area three years ago. Leading up to the trip, I wasn't particularly excited. The time I had spent in DC had been rough for me emotionally.  Curtis and I were figuring out how to be in a long distance relationship. I was struggling to find friends I could trust and lean on. My dream job was not quite the dream I thought it would be. I missed everything about being in San Francisco.   Recalling all th ese feelings , I wasn't exactly jumping for joy to return to DC. But as our cab pulled into the city from National Airport, my heart felt unexpectedly full . The blue sky sweeping over the proud monuments, the bustling activity of bicyclists and joggers , the colorful array of row houses . Turns out DC is quite beautiful without the baggage. I was way beyond bitterness , or even ambivalence. I was filled instead with grat...

A while back my mentee G and I were sitting at Starbucks, talking. She's been going through a rough time, and is struggling to get to a stable place emotionally. I tried to help her talk through things and think of some strategies to cope, but in her voice and in her face, I could see that it all seemed insurmountable. She said something along the lines of "I don't think I'm cut out to be happy". I told her that I used to feel that way too, that happiness seemed like something that other people could have, but not me. She looked incredulous and said that I was so positive and cheerful, she could never imagine me being depressed. It meant a lot to hear her say that, because for the majority of my life, I never would have described myself in her words. It also shocked me a bit because I've known her for two years now, watched her fight some difficult emotional battles, yet never shared with her any of my own. For the most part, that was deliberate. The progr...

It's almost Thanksgiving, and I want to focus on giving thanks for my health and safety, my family, my friends, my opportunities, and all the positive change that is taking place in the world. In order to do that, I really need to get some things off my chest. Since last night I have had a hard time thinking about much else besides what is happening in Ferguson and all over the country. I don't know why I am stunned each time these decisions come down, but I am. It saddens me so much not only to see young black men being killed without consequence, but also the level of racism and ignorance that fill my news feed and the internet at large. It is hard to even say anything about this because I know I will probably be judged and criticized as well. But it's also getting hard NOT to say anything. This affects me. It affects all of us, and if you are not sure why, please take time to ask someone and reflect on the answer. Most of us have no idea what happened during the even...

Here's the last part of my life list. ( See Part 1 , and Part 2 .) If I recall correctly, I added to this list over the course of several months, and it seems like I saved the best for last.  Things I would like to do in my lifetime (not in any order): Part 3 15. Be a mentor I was delightfully surprised to see this on the list. I didn't know that it was something I had wanted from such an early age, since I didn't have a mentor myself until college. I am glad I can say with certainty that I have accomplished this. I am a mentor to a sweet and smart young lady. G made this for me. It fills me with so much gratitude and love. 16. Hold a real koala For rationale, see item #3 from Part 1. I haven't had the opportunity to hold a koala yet, but would love to one day. I would love to go to Australia in general one day. Traveling is one of the things I get anxious about as I think about time marching forward. I worry I will never have the right combination o...

Last week I shared the first part of a list I made when I was 14, with all the things I wanted to do in my lifetime. Here is the second part, with one more coming soon. For a little context of who I was when I wrote this list, here is a picture of me from that time (Y2K!).   In the words of today's teenagers, #awkward. At least my sister loved me. Now without further ado...   Things I would like to do in my lifetime (not in any order): Part 2   8. Get a degree in college B.S. in Planning, Public Policy, and Management. Check! Me, with the PPPM department internship coordinator, and my mentor. 9. Have a reunion with all the cousins Hmm, I have a LOT of cousins. My mom has nine older siblings (though one died as a child). Each of my living aunts and uncles had at least two children. Most of my cousins are older than me, and many of them have their own children. They are spread across three continents, at least five counties, and some still in Vietnam, wi...