Wonderemployment

Well, here's an awkward update since my last post about being super excited about finding a new job... I quit. Sort of. I was on a short term contract while waiting for the staff position to be finalized, but now I've decided not to continue past my contract term, which will end in early February. This means I will not come back to my new job after I have the baby. It was a really hard decision to make, but the more time that passes, the more I feel confident it is the right one.  I wasn't lying before when I said I was excited about this opportunity. I still think it's important and interesting work that in many ways is a good fit for me. But in the first month, I started getting a lot of clues that this would not be a sustainable gig for me. Some were related to the job itself, but mostly it was how I was feeling about impending parenthood. I have to say that I always thought I'd have a great job and go right back to work after having a baby. My mom alw...

Yesterday was my last day at AAPCHO and in many ways it couldn't come fast enough. Having two months notice is a mixed blessing. It allows you more time to look for a new job, but it also prolongs the inevitable. After the shock wore off, awkwardness and frustration took its place, as I dragged myself to work every day knowing I had no future there. It didn't take long for me to realize that being laid off was ultimately a good thing. This role was not a good fit for me in many respects, and I could not see myself establishing a long career at this organization. But how long would it have taken me to act on that information? Who knows. Most likely, too long. But now it's a clean slate and a new beginning. Unexpectedly, I've found a new job already. I wasn't even sure I wanted to look, but someone I had worked with on a recent project approached me to come work for her community health center . Their needs and interests were perfectly aligned with mine, so that w...

Anothe r post from the end of August, before I found out about my lay-off. I filed it away for later since I hadn't announced my pregnancy yet. --- Two years is not a particularly meaningful milestone, but this year has seen some pretty significant changes for us. I started a new job and ended my wonderemployment period, which has had both positive and negative impacts on our life. We have more money coming in, which allows us to breathe a little easier and be able to splurge on more luxuries, like vacations. The downside is that we once again have two people who come home at the end of the day with work related stress and grievances. No one wants to cook, and more chores slip by undone. I was without a doubt happier working part time, but when I reminisced with Curtis recently on how great my wonderemployment worked out, it turns out he did not remember things so fondly. He thought it was stressful and unstable, but tried to be as supportive of me as he could.  I guess t...

This post was written around the end of August, when I was finishing up my first trimester. It's taken me longer to share than I expected when I wrote it. --- I haven't posted in a while because the one thing weighing on my mind has been the one thing I haven't been ready to share. I'm pregnant. Being pregnant in the first trimester has been like carrying a monkey on my back (or front rather!) that no one else seems to see. It seems so obvious and ever present as I go about my day, but there is no one to talk to about it. (Except poor Curtis, who gets an earful every night.) I am an open book with most things in my life, so to have this be a secret, even for a few weeks, has been so foreign to me. It is strange and lonely. I didn't keep it to myself because "that's what people do", but as time went on, I began to understand more and more why it is that people do what people do. Before (and even after) I had my first ultrasound to confirm the ...

It's hard to believe but a year later, I am back in the wonderemployment pool. Except this time, I'm not going to be  under employed, I'm straight up going to be un employed. I just found out that I've been laid off, effective November.  I did not see this coming, partly because I was working on a well-funded project, and partly because I feel like I got this job so recently. I can't believe I'm going to have to get back out there again. I am not the only one in this boat at my office, so I've had lots and lots of conversations with people about what this means, why this happened, and what will happen next. There are no real answers, but at least I don't feel alone. Curtis, my family, and the few friends I've been able to talk to have been nothing but kind and supportive.   Just like last time, I'm trying to focus on the opportunity to reevaluate and figure out what is best for me. It's hard to think clearly about what I really want and...

Back in April, Curtis and I took a weekend-long photography workshop up in Point Reyes. Neither of us had taken any photography classes or trips before, but I wanted to try it out because it's an interest we both share, and because Point Reyes is truly my happy place. With this workshop we got to stay inside the actual park, at the Historic Lifeboat Station. The accommodations were "rustic" but we were serenaded by the ocean and dozens of elephant seals. It was unique to say the least. The whole workshop focused on beaches . We probably visited five or six beaches throughout the weekend, each with their own characteristics and charms. Our instructor,  Gary Crabbe , was familiar with each one and had an intuition for which ones would be best to go at which hour of the day, based on the weather, to get some interesting pictures. He was pretty hands off in terms of instruction, but very approachable when we wanted tips or advice. Most of the attendees were retired an...

A few weeks ago, my family came to visit. The first night at dinner, my mom kept looking at my belly "knowingly" and finally asked me if I was pregnant. I am not. SOMEONE BRING ME SOME TEQUILA RIGHT NOW SO I CAN SHOW HOW NOT PREGNANT I AM. Throughout the weekend, she asked me some thinly veiled questions about my "health habits", trying to figure out where things must have gone awry for me to look like this. Then came Mother's Day. I called her and she told me it was nice to visit San Francisco and that Curtis looked so slim and in better shape than ever . Kudos to him. It took all my willpower to not throw my phone through the window. When I hung up, I just sobbed.  I am not sharing this to malign my mom. She comes from a different culture where comments about weight are not unusual. Years ago, I told her these remarks hurt my feelings, and her response was, "if I don't tell you, who will?".  (Umm... mainstream media? My mirror?) Somewhere deep ...

"Do you think we'll ever lose touch with each other?" "No. I say no because I think we've built such a strong connection, it's like, it's almost unbreakable." Anyone who is willing to listen to me talk about it has undoubtedly heard about my friendship with G and how important my role as a mentor has been to me. What I haven't shared as widely yet, is that late last year I grappled with the decision to finish my mentorship term with Reach and Rise, and in February ended my formal participation in the program.  My original commitment to was to spend time with G for 1-3 hours each week for one year. At the outset we had established some goals together with her father and the program coordinator at the Y. Our goals were to help her build confidence, expose her to new experiences, and get her through a difficult loss she had recently experienced.   G and I spent two years together in the program. We seldom, if ever, explicitly referred back to...

Last week I got to spend some time in Washington, DC for a work conference. It was the first time I had been back since I moved back to the Bay Area three years ago. Leading up to the trip, I wasn't particularly excited. The time I had spent in DC had been rough for me emotionally.  Curtis and I were figuring out how to be in a long distance relationship. I was struggling to find friends I could trust and lean on. My dream job was not quite the dream I thought it would be. I missed everything about being in San Francisco.   Recalling all th ese feelings , I wasn't exactly jumping for joy to return to DC. But as our cab pulled into the city from National Airport, my heart felt unexpectedly full . The blue sky sweeping over the proud monuments, the bustling activity of bicyclists and joggers , the colorful array of row houses . Turns out DC is quite beautiful without the baggage. I was way beyond bitterness , or even ambivalence. I was filled instead with grat...

A while back my mentee G and I were sitting at Starbucks, talking. She's been going through a rough time, and is struggling to get to a stable place emotionally. I tried to help her talk through things and think of some strategies to cope, but in her voice and in her face, I could see that it all seemed insurmountable. She said something along the lines of "I don't think I'm cut out to be happy". I told her that I used to feel that way too, that happiness seemed like something that other people could have, but not me. She looked incredulous and said that I was so positive and cheerful, she could never imagine me being depressed. It meant a lot to hear her say that, because for the majority of my life, I never would have described myself in her words. It also shocked me a bit because I've known her for two years now, watched her fight some difficult emotional battles, yet never shared with her any of my own. For the most part, that was deliberate. The progr...

I often roll my eyes at these cliches on canvas, but this one made me pause the other day at the store. I think I could use this reminder more often.

"I want to use my empathy, intuition, creativity, and leadership skills to help youth and young adults, particularly young women and girls, feel heard and valued. I want to help them build the confidence and skills to be healthy, resilient, and engaged individuals, so that they can in turn build healthy, resilient and engaged communities." This is my personal purpose statement. Believe me, it's scary to put it out there because it's not fully refined, it may change in a year or month or two, or I may never fulfill this "purpose". But for now, there it is. This all came about because my boss encouraged me to develop a professional development plan. I've never made one before, so I signed up for a workshop at Compass Point on exactly that. I don't know what I was expecting, but this far exceeded what I had anticipated and I left really energized. Through a few exercises, we were encouraged to think about and explore our: Unique contributi...

I often pass this woman walking her dog on my way to work. Most mornings we don't talk, we just wave from a distance. If I'm within close enough proximity, she will invariably say "have a good day!" with more sincerity than is customary. Finally one day a couple years ago, I stopped and introduced myself to her. It felt strangely old-fashioned. After learning my name, she instead started saying "have a good day, Mai!" when I passed her. Such a small addition, yet decidedly more personal. Then I didn't see her for a while because of my erratic wonderemployment schedule. I wondered about her now and then, but didn't know anything about her besides the time she walks her dog each morning. Now that I'm back to a regular commute I've been seeing her and her dog again. The first week back, we stopped to catch up a bit about why it had been so long since we'd seen each other. She mentioned her poor little dog had been sick and not up for wal...

A little recap of the tumultuous, yet glorious year of 2014...  PS. I've been using this infographic design program, Piktochart , at work, and couldn't resist trying it out for personal use too. It's pretty fun! I use the Pro version at work, but used the free version for this one (since I share the work account with the whole office!). The main difference is the watermark and the download format options. If you've ever wanted to make an infographic for work or pleasure but are not a graphic designer, I highly recommend checking it out!