Wonderemployment

I started this blog in January 2014 when one of my grants ended and my organization moved me to another project on a much more limited basis. I felt so unmoored by the shift, wondering who I was if not a good, productive, upwardly mobile professional. (Just to be clear, I no longer believe you have to work full time to be productive, and definitely don't believe anyone's worth is tied to their employment!) A lot has changed since then. I've had five job changes, earned my MPH, had two kids, started a Buy Nothing group (practically a part time job), and navigated a pandemic. I'm also no longer underemployed! Last month I started a new job with my local public health department. It's meaningful work that is challenging, well-compensated (by my standards), in line with my experience and education, and has potential for growth and advancement-- all the things I've wanted in a job since I started this blog. I've been around enough to know that not everything wor...

Earlier this week I was being introduced to the director of a partner agency. My coworker said, "This is Mai..." and the other person jumped in loudly with, "My WHAT?! My WHAT?!", clearly cracking himself up. I'm fully aware Mai sounds like "my", a possessive pronoun in English. And that it rhymes with "hi". I'm aware it's a name people may not be familiar with. I've heard every joke and pun in the book from the time I was in daycare to this very f-ing day. Part of my experience of racism has been that it can be dormant for awhile, letting me forget that I'm still viewed differently by the world around me. (The fact that it's not incessant is a privilege I recognize.) I'll be moving along with my guard down, when something ugly pops up and reminds me, "not so fast... you are not one of us, you do not belong here". People feel so entitled to name me, instead of hearing me, that I have previously gone an e...

Last weekend I had to give a training in the city. I'm not sure that I've explicitly shared online that I am back at my former organization in Chinatown, leading a project to provide consultation and training to health and social service providers on culturally and linguistically appropriate services. Many times this consists of training staff on cultural competence/responsiveness/humility... whatever term you prefer. We call it "widening your personal lens". Over the years I have led some version of this training probably 50+ times. I've facilitated many other types of training too, with audiences of all sizes and types. I don't usually experience much anxiety anymore. I might feel a little nervous, or unsure how a new activity or piece of content will go, but that gut level of fear is gone.  But on my way to the training on Saturday, I was in knots. At one point on my drive there, I had to shove down the urge to cry. It genuinely surprised me, a...

I'm a free agent again, back on the job market. I'll keep the sad details brief. When I applied to and accepted my admission to grad school, I thought that I had the support of my organization and supervisor to adapt my work hours to accommodate my class schedule. However in the past couple weeks it's become clear that we will not be able to come to a mutually agreeable arrangement. So short of withdrawing from school, I don't have much of a choice but to leave. I love so many things about this job. My colleagues are people I genuinely enjoy working with; they are fun, supportive, and deeply committed to the work. My office focuses specifically on outreach, prevention, and stigma reduction related to mental health challenges, with particular attention to addressing cultural barriers and disparities. It is a perfect fit for my interests and a lot of my motivation to go back to school was to be able to advance HERE and be a leader in THIS area. So it hurts pretty d...

Well big news... I applied to grad school! It was a pretty spontaneous decision within the last couple weeks, so if you're surprised, believe me, I am too. I've applied for the Master of Public Health program at SF State. I've always had it in my head that I would go back to school, but years went by and it never seemed like the right time. I continued to stumble upon good work opportunities, I was embracing a more relaxed pace of life, and of course most recently, I was focused on starting my new role as a mom. There were many times when I was close to applying. I took the GRE in 2011 while living in DC, and began to look into programs. I researched my options again in 2015, but once I found out I was pregnant I put those plans aside. GRE scores are only valid for five years, so I figured the window for grad school had closed for now, and that I'd revisit the prospect later down the road. I'm not sure why, but I was looking at the ETS website and clear ...

In my new role with San Mateo County, I just wrapped up teaching a five-part class called the Lived Experience Academy. The Academy is a course for people to learn how to tell their stories of lived experience for personal empowerment, community building, and local advocacy. For those unfamiliar with the term, “lived experience” refers to having first-hand experience with mental health challenges. We use the word “lived” to differentiate from mental health professionals or others who may have extensive experience of working with mental health conditions or systems of care, but have not lived through those challenges personally. This distinction is important because for most of history, and still today, people with lived experience have been stigmatized, disempowered, and told that others know what is best for them. Even after maintaining wellness and being in recovery, people with lived experience are often excluded from the workforce and discriminated against in other ways. One reason...

1. Hear baby crying for another hour on end and fantasize about going back to work. 2. Casually search your usual suspects for job openings. You know, just to see what's out there... 3. Find something that actually looks pretty good! 4. Decide it wouldn't hurt to apply-- probably won't get it anyway. 5. Send in your application and forget about it. 6. A month later, get invited to interview. 7. Ask a friend to babysit so you can actually accept the interview. (Thank you Trisha!) 8. Try on all your interview-appropriate clothes and realize that pants are out of the question and only one dress zips up and doesn't look like it will bust at the seams. Go with that. 9. Have a great interview and then get really nervous about what a great interview could mean. 10. Get invited for a second interview. (Crap, time to find another outfit...) 11. Have your mom dig out some maternity pants that you swore you were done with. Ahh yes, hello elastic waistband! 12. Wo...

Well, here's an awkward update since my last post about being super excited about finding a new job... I quit. Sort of. I was on a short term contract while waiting for the staff position to be finalized, but now I've decided not to continue past my contract term, which will end in early February. This means I will not come back to my new job after I have the baby. It was a really hard decision to make, but the more time that passes, the more I feel confident it is the right one.  I wasn't lying before when I said I was excited about this opportunity. I still think it's important and interesting work that in many ways is a good fit for me. But in the first month, I started getting a lot of clues that this would not be a sustainable gig for me. Some were related to the job itself, but mostly it was how I was feeling about impending parenthood. I have to say that I always thought I'd have a great job and go right back to work after having a baby. My mom alw...

Yesterday was my last day at AAPCHO and in many ways it couldn't come fast enough. Having two months notice is a mixed blessing. It allows you more time to look for a new job, but it also prolongs the inevitable. After the shock wore off, awkwardness and frustration took its place, as I dragged myself to work every day knowing I had no future there. It didn't take long for me to realize that being laid off was ultimately a good thing. This role was not a good fit for me in many respects, and I could not see myself establishing a long career at this organization. But how long would it have taken me to act on that information? Who knows. Most likely, too long. But now it's a clean slate and a new beginning. Unexpectedly, I've found a new job already. I wasn't even sure I wanted to look, but someone I had worked with on a recent project approached me to come work for her community health center . Their needs and interests were perfectly aligned with mine, so that w...

It's hard to believe but a year later, I am back in the wonderemployment pool. Except this time, I'm not going to be  under employed, I'm straight up going to be un employed. I just found out that I've been laid off, effective November.  I did not see this coming, partly because I was working on a well-funded project, and partly because I feel like I got this job so recently. I can't believe I'm going to have to get back out there again. I am not the only one in this boat at my office, so I've had lots and lots of conversations with people about what this means, why this happened, and what will happen next. There are no real answers, but at least I don't feel alone. Curtis, my family, and the few friends I've been able to talk to have been nothing but kind and supportive.   Just like last time, I'm trying to focus on the opportunity to reevaluate and figure out what is best for me. It's hard to think clearly about what I really want and...

"I want to use my empathy, intuition, creativity, and leadership skills to help youth and young adults, particularly young women and girls, feel heard and valued. I want to help them build the confidence and skills to be healthy, resilient, and engaged individuals, so that they can in turn build healthy, resilient and engaged communities." This is my personal purpose statement. Believe me, it's scary to put it out there because it's not fully refined, it may change in a year or month or two, or I may never fulfill this "purpose". But for now, there it is. This all came about because my boss encouraged me to develop a professional development plan. I've never made one before, so I signed up for a workshop at Compass Point on exactly that. I don't know what I was expecting, but this far exceeded what I had anticipated and I left really energized. Through a few exercises, we were encouraged to think about and explore our: Unique contributi...

The last two weeks have been a blur of events and emotions. As I've been processing the end of my old job and the start of my new one, I've been trying to recall how I felt and dealt with other ends and beginnings, like moving out of Eugene (where I went to college), or starting my first week at NICOS. I've been drawing a complete blank. I suppose transitions are harder to remember because by nature they exist between two longer, usually more stable, periods. I can only remember the big emotions, the hard ones. I remember how soul-crushingly lonely I felt in my first few weeks in San Francisco, then DC. I remember crying at age 11 when we moved out of the only house I'd lived in my whole life. As I've said many times before, change is hard for me. But I hope that by documenting it this time, I'll have something to refer back to next time I find myself in-between. So now to rewind a bit... my last few weeks at NICOS were extremely busy. I had a lot of commun...

It's official...my wonderemployment is coming to an end! I've accepted a full-time position at the Association of Asian Pacific Community Health Organizations (AAPCHO, pronounced app-cho) and will be starting the first week of November. I got the offer last Wednesday so I've had some time to think it over, absorb the news, and celebrate in small ways. As all of you who have read my thoughts for the past nine months know, working part time has been both a joy and a burden for me. I have loved being able to do more of the things that I genuinely enjoy, though it's been hard feeling at a standstill, not contributing financially to our household the way I feel that I should. After many months of wondering what to do, I am finally taking the long-awaited next step. I am anxious about the change (because I am always anxious about any change), but generally feeling really hopeful about this new opportunity. I am excited to be challenged in new ways, to meet new people, to k...

I got an offer today. For a full-time job. A full-time job that pays decently and has benefits (perks even!). I'm a little dizzy from excitement. I am overwhelmed thinking about how things will change though... am I ready for the end of wonderemployment?!

One of the most interesting parts about my job is that I get to travel to various parts of the state and meet people in settings I would not normally be in, such as high schools and detox centers. The last time I talked about a business trip was in June, when I got to go to Disneyland ! This past week, my job brought me somewhere that could not be more different: prison. My colleague and I spent almost 2 full days working with a special group of inmates at the Central California Women's Facility in Chowchilla. This was not my first time at a prison, but it was my first time at a women's facility. I am very privileged in that I do not have any personal experiences with friends or family being incarcerated. Having no firsthand knowledge, my only point of reference was Orange is the New Black (which I love!). I didn't know what to expect, but what I got was one of the most rewarding teaching experiences I have ever had. As I have talked about before, a big part of my jo...

I started this blog to remind myself of good things I've been doing during my "wonderemployment", to keep my spirits up, and give myself a place to reflect on this indefinite period of transition. Lately, it has really been serving its purpose because I have needed all these things badly. The last month has been extremely trying for me, emotionally and spiritually. At the end of June I was informed that when the new fiscal year began (July 1st), there would only be enough funds for me to work 2-3 days a week. This came as a startle to me, and I knew that this would be problematic for our financial situation. To make matters worse, July 1st came around, and our state contract for my project had not been signed for the new fiscal year, meaning there was no money for me to work at all, until that got finalized. So I was told to wait it out at home, and now nearly three weeks later, I am still at home. Waiting. I've been keeping busy doing the things I like to do... c...

Each year my organization is invited to participate in the California Friday Night Live Partnership 's Spotlight Festival, a 3-day conference for middle school and high school youth who have worked year-round to learn about problem gambling and create PSA videos addressing this issue in their community. This was my first year getting to attend and it was hands down the best conference I've ever been to. Some of the highlights included an award show, where all the kids dress up, walk the red carpet, and get to talk about their work; a small-group tour of California Adventure to learn about the Disney process of animation; and a full evening to just play at Disneyland. I was so fortunate to get to tag along and experience all this with the teens (and not be directly responsible for chaperoning any of them!). The "price" for getting to attend this festival was that I was asked to conduct a workshop. I present workshops all the time through my job, so it should ...

There have been some great conversations going on this month  about ambition and drive  on A Practical Wedding (yes, technically a wedding blog, but actually, so much more). It's been so interesting to read the perspectives of a spectrum of smart women, some who are hungry for it , some who aren't , and some who are just plain  burnt out . This burnout thread particularly got to me. As I talked about in my first blog post , in high school I always imagined being a really successful career woman, the kind that would wear great suits and save the world through consensus-building. Now I just get tired at even the thought of being a "successful career woman". What happened to that fire? Am I really burnt out at the ripe young age of 27? How terrible is it that I just don't care anymore? APW is one of the few places on the internet where I can stand to read the comments section. In fact, sometimes the comments are more insightful than the content. One of the c omme...

So far on my blog I've been focusing more on the "wonder" part of my life, with nothing about the employment side of the equation. I've realized that when you don't have a one-word job title, like lawyer, accountant, or teacher, it's hard for people to understand or remember what you "do". It's okay, I get it because I'm the same way! But I'd like to take the time to explain more because my work does mean a lot to me. I am currently working as the problem gambling project coordinator at a small non-profit in Chinatown. I help educate health providers, students, and the general community about problem gambling, including how to gamble responsibly, how to recognize when gambling becomes a problem, and how addictions work in general. Many people I talk to have never heard of problem gambling. (They call it "problem gambling" when you have symptoms of gambling addiction, but not enough to have a DSM-V diagnosis of pathological gam...