The last two weeks have been a blur of events and emotions. As I've been processing the end of my old job and the start of my new one, I've been trying to recall how I felt and dealt with other ends and beginnings, like moving out of Eugene (where I went to college), or starting my first week at NICOS. I've been drawing a complete blank. I suppose transitions are harder to remember because by nature they exist between two longer, usually more stable, periods. I can only remember the big emotions, the hard ones. I remember how soul-crushingly lonely I felt in my first few weeks in San Francisco, then DC. I remember crying at age 11 when we moved out of the only house I'd lived in my whole life. As I've said many times before, change is hard for me. But I hope that by documenting it this time, I'll have something to refer back to next time I find myself in-between.
So now to rewind a bit... my last few weeks at NICOS were extremely busy. I had a lot of community trainings to do, as well as just a lot of tasks and correspondence to wrap up. As tired as I felt, it was good to end my job that way. It made me feel useful, like my presence actually made a difference there. During my last few trainings, and as I was training our interns to present the materials themselves, I felt a great sense of confidence and accomplishment. I felt like I had mastered the content and my presentation style, and could walk away knowing that I had really learned something, and that I was ready for a new challenge.
My last day was hard though. I have come to love my coworkers so much. I have gotten along well with my other coworkers in the past (I mean, I married one of them!), but something about this place and these people made me feel so comfortable, supported, and happy that leaving just felt unnatural. My last day also coincided with another coworker's retirement, so I also felt a strange sadness about all the change that would take place, even though I wouldn't be there to be affected by it. I kept it together for the lovely celebration my coworkers planned, where they shared favorite memories and gave us sweet parting gifts. But when I had to say goodbye individually to my boss and then another coworker-friend, I couldn't stop crying! It was embarrassing... I was overwhelmed with all the same emotions I felt when I moved as a kid. Both times, I knew the transition was a good thing, but couldn't deny the sadness of leaving a place of safety and comfort.
To cure that sadness, I went to Disneyland! Well Disney's California Adventure to be exact. Curtis and I had planned this trip for awhile to celebrate the end of his PE exam, and to make up for the fact that I went to DCA for the first time without him back in June for work. We had such a great time! We got there almost right at park opening and stayed until it closed. We went on every ride we wanted to without waiting too long, ate and drank to our hearts content, and fully relished our child-free state (since we probably won't return until we have kids old enough to beg us...) I slept like a rock that night, I was so exhausted! All in all, it was a fantastic experience and a great way to celebrate both our accomplishments.
The day after our quick vacation I started my new job. It's been 4 days. People keep asking me how it's going, but I find it difficult to articulate. I am only able to absorb and share facts (e.g., people here like food, I get my own MacBook Air, I had donuts yesterday, etc.), but I'm not quite able to process any emotions. I'm still overwhelmed with all the newness. All I know is I can rule out the following adjectives: horrible, awful, crazy. I think that's a good sign.
I wanted to get a cute first-day-of-work selfie, but I was too embarrassed to ask anyone to take a picture of me (Curtis left for work too early). So I had to settle for this quick and sheepish selfie at Marshall's. When I was little, my mom would always make me wear a dress on the first day of school and I hated it. Now, I totally agree: dress is best!
There is a lot more I want to say about the end of wonderemployment, to assess how it went, reflect on the highlights and lowlights, but now that I am a full-time working girl, I am tired! So more on that another day... Enjoy your weekend, everyone!
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