I haven't done New Year's resolutions in a long time because like most people, I fall off the wagon within a month or two and never get back on. It seems like a yearly ritual in letting yourself down, so I just don't bother with the self-inflicted punishment anymore. My old resolutions (or at least the ones I can remember) were pretty typical:
- Work out more (3x/week!)
- Read more (2 books/month!)
- Be better at keeping in touch with friends
- Cook more
- Spend less money
What I've realized is that the turn of the calendar is not going to change who you fundamentally are. I don't read more because I enjoy doing other things more than I enjoy reading... yet somehow I feel this pressure to read because that is what smart people do. Exercise is good for me, but where there is no will, there is no way, and most days, you guessed it... I have no will.
Putting intentional effort into self-improvement is good, but I'm pretty tired of our culture's obsessive need to constantly be "better". We pin and pine for better bodies, better relationships, better homes, better careers, and on and on. I think sometimes we're so focused on moving up that we don't take time to recognize when we've arrived. To be clear, I don't mean arrived at the pinnacle (because pinnacles always seem to grow higher and higher), but I mean arrived at a good place. Reaching a plateau is almost always interpreted negatively, when honestly I think it can be a great thing.
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I am at a sort of plateau now. My life is good and I am happy. It seems taboo to declare such a thing, because social media guides seem to suggest that happy people are the WORST kind of people. I myself used to hate happy people. I assumed they were faking it or naive to the harshness of the world. (Can you tell how happy I was then??) But here I am: My life is good and I am happy.
For 2015, I don't want to focus on self-improvement. I just want to enjoy what IS. There is a trend I've seen of choosing one word for the year, rather than an entire to-do list. I like this idea. It's like having an affirmation or mantra to focus on when you want to bring yourself back to center.
I've chosen savor as my word of the year. This wasn't a long, thought out search. I saw it in a magazine ad and thought, "yes, that's it!". To me savoring something means experiencing it with all senses, making the moment last, and enjoying its complexity. It also suggests impermanence, and serves as a reminder that moments, relationships, good things, are sometimes fleeting, but still worth experiencing. These are the ways I imagine it manifesting in different areas of my life:
Family. I literally cannot go a week without the question "are you going to have kids?" or "when will you have kids?" coming up. Even though I feel it's no one's business, unless I have expressed interest in talking about it to you, it's not a secret that someday, yes, we would like to have kids, and that "someday" could be soon, or not. I have always known that I want kids, yet the decision to actually have them is haaaaardd. Turns out kids need a lot of things. And they're loud. And they interrupt things. And they don't like to watch the same things, or eat the same things, or talk about the same things as you. I don't quite know how to get excited about that. While I really don't appreciate those "oh just wait til you have kids, you can kiss your freedom/sleep/single friends/sex life/independent woman status GOODBYE har har har..." jokes, I know that this moment right now of being child-free is something to savor. We will take many mini vacations. We will go out for drinks on a Tuesday night with no advance planning. We will sleep in with no regrets on weekends. We will appreciate the family of two we already are. And... I will try to take questions about my reproductive plans with grace, knowing that I'm at peace with where I'm at.
Career. My job is still so new it's hard to know how it will take shape in 2015. But as I said, part of savoring something is embracing its complexity and pausing to experience, rather than just plow forward. I think my responsibilities and tasks will pick up quickly after the holidays, so I want to be mindful of how I approach them and put pride into what I do. I want to take advantage of the challenges as an opportunity to grow and to prove myself professionally. I expect to be traveling a lot for work too, which I am really excited about. As I get older and have those aforementioned children, I may not want to, or be able to, have a job that will take me away from home often. I'm okay with knowing that, and I hope to appreciate this stage of my life and career all the more, knowing it may not last.
Friendships. I was just talking to a friend this week about how I feel, for the first time in a long time, that I have enough friends. This is not at all to say I can't use more. There is always room for more good people in my life. But I feel less vulnerable in that department than at any other time in my adult life. I don't hear people talk about vulnerability in the context of friendships much, but when you put all your eggs into one or two friend baskets, it can leave you feeling very anxious and lonely when those people figuratively or literally start to move away. After many years of working on meeting people, getting to know them, taking initiative to invite them to do things, etc. I finally feel like I've built an extended network of people to call friends. So I will continue to appreciate and nurture those relationships, all the while accepting that they may wax and wane, and that it is perfectly normal.
Self. It's sometimes hard to remember that we exist outside of work and relationships. How will I savor this year in a way that is meant for me and no one else? I'm really not sure yet. I hope to figure that out as I go. I just want to be present, and use all my senses to experience what life has to offer me. Even though self-improvement is not my goal, I hope that growth will be a byproduct anyhow.
For my friends and family out there who read this, I'd love to know what you see in store for youreself in 2015. Is this going to be your breakout year? Or a year of rest? Or is there something else you'll be focusing on? I'd love to hear about on the phone, through an email, or over coffee.
For 2015, I don't want to focus on self-improvement. I just want to enjoy what IS. There is a trend I've seen of choosing one word for the year, rather than an entire to-do list. I like this idea. It's like having an affirmation or mantra to focus on when you want to bring yourself back to center.
I've chosen savor as my word of the year. This wasn't a long, thought out search. I saw it in a magazine ad and thought, "yes, that's it!". To me savoring something means experiencing it with all senses, making the moment last, and enjoying its complexity. It also suggests impermanence, and serves as a reminder that moments, relationships, good things, are sometimes fleeting, but still worth experiencing. These are the ways I imagine it manifesting in different areas of my life:
Family. I literally cannot go a week without the question "are you going to have kids?" or "when will you have kids?" coming up. Even though I feel it's no one's business, unless I have expressed interest in talking about it to you, it's not a secret that someday, yes, we would like to have kids, and that "someday" could be soon, or not. I have always known that I want kids, yet the decision to actually have them is haaaaardd. Turns out kids need a lot of things. And they're loud. And they interrupt things. And they don't like to watch the same things, or eat the same things, or talk about the same things as you. I don't quite know how to get excited about that. While I really don't appreciate those "oh just wait til you have kids, you can kiss your freedom/sleep/single friends/sex life/independent woman status GOODBYE har har har..." jokes, I know that this moment right now of being child-free is something to savor. We will take many mini vacations. We will go out for drinks on a Tuesday night with no advance planning. We will sleep in with no regrets on weekends. We will appreciate the family of two we already are. And... I will try to take questions about my reproductive plans with grace, knowing that I'm at peace with where I'm at.
Career. My job is still so new it's hard to know how it will take shape in 2015. But as I said, part of savoring something is embracing its complexity and pausing to experience, rather than just plow forward. I think my responsibilities and tasks will pick up quickly after the holidays, so I want to be mindful of how I approach them and put pride into what I do. I want to take advantage of the challenges as an opportunity to grow and to prove myself professionally. I expect to be traveling a lot for work too, which I am really excited about. As I get older and have those aforementioned children, I may not want to, or be able to, have a job that will take me away from home often. I'm okay with knowing that, and I hope to appreciate this stage of my life and career all the more, knowing it may not last.
Friendships. I was just talking to a friend this week about how I feel, for the first time in a long time, that I have enough friends. This is not at all to say I can't use more. There is always room for more good people in my life. But I feel less vulnerable in that department than at any other time in my adult life. I don't hear people talk about vulnerability in the context of friendships much, but when you put all your eggs into one or two friend baskets, it can leave you feeling very anxious and lonely when those people figuratively or literally start to move away. After many years of working on meeting people, getting to know them, taking initiative to invite them to do things, etc. I finally feel like I've built an extended network of people to call friends. So I will continue to appreciate and nurture those relationships, all the while accepting that they may wax and wane, and that it is perfectly normal.
Self. It's sometimes hard to remember that we exist outside of work and relationships. How will I savor this year in a way that is meant for me and no one else? I'm really not sure yet. I hope to figure that out as I go. I just want to be present, and use all my senses to experience what life has to offer me. Even though self-improvement is not my goal, I hope that growth will be a byproduct anyhow.
For my friends and family out there who read this, I'd love to know what you see in store for youreself in 2015. Is this going to be your breakout year? Or a year of rest? Or is there something else you'll be focusing on? I'd love to hear about on the phone, through an email, or over coffee.
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