I am ready.

I'm halfway through my 37th week of pregnancy now, and this baby is going to be born any time in the coming weeks! We made it to term, which feels like a huge accomplishment. 

Pregnancy has been so much harder than I had ever imagined. This is not to say I've had the worst pregnancy possible, as I'm grateful that neither I nor the baby have had any threatening health problems. But I haven't been able to walk or get up without pain for the past seven months, which has been a huge challenge and lifestyle change for me. Add to that the more typical "joys" of pregnancy like insomnia, indigestion, swelling, etc. and I have just had enough. I want to feel at home in my body again! Of course it will be forever changed by giving birth (who knows what postpartum surprises await me), but I have to stay positive that my body will function well again or else I might lose my mind. 

The silver lining of not loving pregnancy is that I cannot wait to meet my baby! I'm sure many moms feel this way by the end, regardless of how their pregnancy went, but the anticipation of seeing her face for the first time, looking into her eyes, and getting to know her is what keeps me energized day after day. I know I will love her so much and I try to make sure to send those positive vibes to her every day (so she doesn't just internalize all my whining and frustration!).

All throughout pregnancy, people have been asking me if I feel ready. At the beginning, it was a resounding NO. What does "ready" even mean, when you're talking about such a monumental life change? But I think there's a reason pregnancy lasts for as long as it does. I suspect most people need that much time to mentally and physically prepare. In the third trimester, things started to get serious around here! We reorganized the apartment, and started procuring all the things that we think we'll need. I have spent countless hours researching baby gear, "baby in a one bedroom", the birthing process, labor options, caring for a newborn, breastfeeding, and spinning babies (she's breech at this point... wahh). We talk about her and to her every day. Even with no baby around yet, it already feels like she's central to our lives. I think now, I can say I'm as ready as I'll ever be. 

I feel as if I am on a roller coaster, inching its way slowly up to the peak. Momentum has slowed and time seems to be suspended, but there's the knowledge that at any moment, the course will change, and I will have to surrender to the rush. The thrill and the terror can be anticipated though not truly known until that moment. But everyone promises it's worth it. 

There's no getting off the ride now, but I wouldn't want to anyway. I am ready. Bring it on, baby!