I can go the distance

I'm a free agent again, back on the job market.

I'll keep the sad details brief. When I applied to and accepted my admission to grad school, I thought that I had the support of my organization and supervisor to adapt my work hours to accommodate my class schedule. However in the past couple weeks it's become clear that we will not be able to come to a mutually agreeable arrangement. So short of withdrawing from school, I don't have much of a choice but to leave.

I love so many things about this job. My colleagues are people I genuinely enjoy working with; they are fun, supportive, and deeply committed to the work. My office focuses specifically on outreach, prevention, and stigma reduction related to mental health challenges, with particular attention to addressing cultural barriers and disparities. It is a perfect fit for my interests and a lot of my motivation to go back to school was to be able to advance HERE and be a leader in THIS area. So it hurts pretty deep to walk away from this. It's been an emotional week, mourning the future I will not have at this place.

While it is a painful decision, it's not a particularly hard one. Throughout all of this unravelling, I never considered giving up school. I didn't come this far to just come this far. I have to think long-term about the work I want to do and the impact I want to have on the community. Gaining more knowledge, more connections, and (let's be frank) more letters after my name, will help me advance my career and my goals in ways that this entry-level position will not. I just wish it did not have to be an either/or proposition. I still need to work to pay for school and keep up with our mortgage. And I chose this grad program because it allows people to continue working. Without a doubt, I will need a new job. The timing is not ideal for a job search, with school starting next month, a final exam coming up this week for my stats class, and moving into our house by the end of the month. But here we are.

Past the frustration, sadness, and exhaustion, I keep coming back to the idea of resilience, or the ability to bounce back. When I started Wonderemployment, I never imagined unemployment/underemployment would be such a recurring theme in my life. There have been several times I've considered a name change for the blog, since it seemed that period of uncertainty was over. But alas, it remains as relevant as ever. As I've mentioned before, I'm glad I've kept it up because writing and recording this process has helped me create a narrative of resilience for myself. Instead of focusing on the fact that I've had six jobs in eight years (often times not by choice), I choose to remember that I've landed a job six times in eight years, during a sluggish economic period no less. It is something I know how to do. Though it is exhausting to go through the motions, my anxieties about job hunting, applying, interviewing, and starting over are pretty minimal at this point. Life has shown me over and over that opportunities exist, and I will find them.

I have been listening to a lot of old Disney music recently since Holly is into it, and it reminds of my childhood. This morning I heard a song that I decided is going to be my new mantra for the next five semesters. (No, not Hakuna Matata. That song is pretty damn annoying.) My new mantra is from Hercules: I can go the distance. 

I am on my way 
I can go the distance 
I don't care how far 
Somehow I'll be strong
I know every mile 
Will be worth my while 
I will go most anywhere 
to find where I belong