It's been a busy summer around here to say the least. We finally moved into our house, I left my job and started a new one, and I also started grad school. We're navigating new schedules, new commutes, and new responsibilities. Through it all, our anniversary hasn't been anywhere near the forefront of our minds and currently we have nothing planned to celebrate it.
In my early 20s, it would have been hard for me to imagine anyone else having a say in what I wanted to do with my life and career. In my early 20s, Curtis and I actually did have the discussion of how I would pay for school and if I would be willing to take on student loans. Four years into marriage, there is no singular. It's all "we". These are family decisions. I think that is one thing people are (rightfully) scared of when it comes to long-term commitment, marriage, or having kids. You don't own as much of your life as you did before. You give up the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. But for me, it is a worthwhile sacrifice because with it actually comes more freedom. There is no way I could work in non-profit, go to school full time, be a parent, and keep up with the mortgage without Curtis. End of story. People have been saying such kind and supportive things to me about balancing so much, and chasing my dreams. I appreciate that and will take some due credit, sure. But my instinct is always to think of him, and the sacrifices he is making so that this can even be an option for me. He deserves a lot of support and credit too.
So thank you, my love, for always saying "yes" to my dreams and for literally putting your money where your mouth is for all the times you've said you love my independence, intelligence, and ambition. Happy fourth!
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Throwback:
On Marriage: Year Three
On Marriage: Year Two
On Marriage: Year One
This is pretty representative of where we are in our marriage. It's a well-oiled machine humming along in the background, not demanding much attention or thought. I appreciate this, because with so much in flux externally, it's nice to have refuge at home, or as much refuge as possible with a toddler in the mix. I try not to get complacent though, because things don't just "work" on their own and the last thing I want to do is ruin the best thing I have by assuming it will always stay that way.
We have talked a lot this summer about how our roles and responsibilities will change with school starting for me. There are two nights a week where I can't be home for daycare pickup, dinner or bedtime, and Curtis is on his own to take care of Holly. Even on the other nights when I'm home I'll have homework and group projects to do. We have had a fairly equal parenting division up until now, and that won't be the case anymore for the next two years. That's a pretty big deal, and it's something I wanted to put clearly on the table for discussion before I made a final decision about school.
We have talked a lot this summer about how our roles and responsibilities will change with school starting for me. There are two nights a week where I can't be home for daycare pickup, dinner or bedtime, and Curtis is on his own to take care of Holly. Even on the other nights when I'm home I'll have homework and group projects to do. We have had a fairly equal parenting division up until now, and that won't be the case anymore for the next two years. That's a pretty big deal, and it's something I wanted to put clearly on the table for discussion before I made a final decision about school.
It's not just a burden of responsibilities, but also of finances too. I am working fewer hours now, and had to leave my well-benefited job for a position that pays less and does not offer any of the tuition reimbursement I would have received from the County. I'm not going to lie... We will be squeezed tight for these next few years. But even when I thought it would be more than reasonable for Curtis to ask me to reconsider school at this time, he never did. He has been resolute that I not give up my goal, that we WILL make it work. When I first met him I never would have pegged him as an optimist, but it turns out I was wrong.
In my early 20s, it would have been hard for me to imagine anyone else having a say in what I wanted to do with my life and career. In my early 20s, Curtis and I actually did have the discussion of how I would pay for school and if I would be willing to take on student loans. Four years into marriage, there is no singular. It's all "we". These are family decisions. I think that is one thing people are (rightfully) scared of when it comes to long-term commitment, marriage, or having kids. You don't own as much of your life as you did before. You give up the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. But for me, it is a worthwhile sacrifice because with it actually comes more freedom. There is no way I could work in non-profit, go to school full time, be a parent, and keep up with the mortgage without Curtis. End of story. People have been saying such kind and supportive things to me about balancing so much, and chasing my dreams. I appreciate that and will take some due credit, sure. But my instinct is always to think of him, and the sacrifices he is making so that this can even be an option for me. He deserves a lot of support and credit too.
So thank you, my love, for always saying "yes" to my dreams and for literally putting your money where your mouth is for all the times you've said you love my independence, intelligence, and ambition. Happy fourth!
 |
| Glass half full, always. |
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Throwback:
On Marriage: Year Three
On Marriage: Year Two
On Marriage: Year One
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