To my white friends and colleagues

To my white friends and colleagues:

This is hard for me to write, and it may be hard for you receive. This moment is not about me or my suffering, which pales in comparison to what Black folks are experiencing. But I think it’s important for you to hear as you think about allyship.

Please know that I have stayed silent for your comfort. I have held my tongue in response to your microaggressions and your ignorant statements, which I am not proud of. I’ve let things go because I don’t want to embarrass you or disrupt the peace. I didn’t want to shatter the illusion that race isn’t an issue between us, because most of the time it is not. I've been scared you'll see me differently, and not in a good way.

But the truth is, I don't want to be your “safe” minority friend.

I have lived my life subconsciously seeking the acceptance of white people. It is how I was raised, not so subconsciously. My parents knew the key to getting ahead in America was to do well in white spaces, to distance ourselves from Blackness, to be the "model minority". We were raised to be above reproach at all times, even at the cost of our individual and community's well-being. I see that pressure now as a force of white supremacy. 

I regret the ways I have tried so hard to align myself with whiteness, and thus anti-Blackness. I mourn the time I spent not loving and honoring my Asian American identity. I am confronting my anti-Black biases and the ways I have contributed to the systems that cause harm. My silence in white spaces is one.

I hope you will start or persist on that journey for yourself. But please don’t ask me, or any other person of color, to be your guide in this. It is your job to reflect, to learn, and to change. If you want to know what you’ve done wrong and what you could do better, work to create safety for that conversation and earn that trust. Even between friends, you have more power than you know.

With love,

Mai