Here's the last part of my life list. (See Part 1, and Part 2.) If I recall correctly, I added to this list over the course of several months, and it seems like I saved the best for last.
Things I would like to do in my lifetime (not in any order): Part 3
15. Be a mentor
I was delightfully surprised to see this on the list. I didn't know that it was something I had wanted from such an early age, since I didn't have a mentor myself until college. I am glad I can say with certainty that I have accomplished this. I am a mentor to a sweet and smart young lady.
16. Hold a real koala
For rationale, see item #3 from Part 1. I haven't had the opportunity to hold a koala yet, but would love to one day. I would love to go to Australia in general one day. Traveling is one of the things I get anxious about as I think about time marching forward. I worry I will never have the right combination of time, money, and strength to travel the world. Right now I have time and strength, but not enough money. When I have kids, I may not have the time, and when the kids are grown, who knows how old I'll be and I may not have the strength! I think the point of traveling is just to get out of your routine and appreciate a different way of life though, and in that sense, I do get to travel a lot, taking weekend trips, going hiking, checking out new cities. I feel very lucky to even have time, money, and strength for that, even if it doesn't usually involve something exotic as holding a koala.
17. Donate my hair to make a wig for cancer patients
I have done this 4-5 times throughout my life. I would probably do it more often if it weren't for vanity. I don't like myself in short hair as much!
18. Join Kiwanis
As I've mentioned before, I was REALLY into Key Club in high school. The "Key" in Key Club stands for "Kiwanis Educating Youth", so naturally I thought that when I got older, I would join Kiwanis. I came very close to joining a Kiwanis club when I moved to DC and reconnected with an old Key Club friend who had stayed involved in the Kiwanis organization ever since. The club members were extremely welcoming and kind people, but I wasn't sure how long I was committed to staying in DC, so I just joined their activities from the sidelines, without ever formally joining. I'm not sure that I ever will join Kiwanis, but I think what my 14-year-old self intended was that I stay involved in community service, which I have tried my best to do.
19. Get over the hurt from past relationships
This hit me in the gut a bit when I read it. The year after I wrote this, I stopped writing in my journals altogether. There was no need to, because I started dating someone who put an end to all the drama and the heartache. From the time we got together, it felt like my life was straightened out, stable, happy. We experienced a great deal of joy and sadness together, communicated well, trusted each other completely, but eventually after five years, it was over. There is a lot I could say about how and why it ended, but the point is just that it hurt a lot, in a slow, drawn out kind of way that felt like it would never stop. It took me a long time to figure out who I was without him. But doing that was one of the most important things I've ever had to do, and opened me up to so much more in life. There are some days when I'm still reminded of the loss and how much it hurt, but I'm glad to be able to cross this off the list.
20. Get in shape
Ha, this is kind of like keeping in touch with my best friends. Did I really think this was a one-time thing I would be able to achieve and cross off the list? Being in shape is most definitely a lifelong challenge, and one that only gets harder with age! There have been times when I've gotten in shape, and been very proud of myself, but the challenge is maintaining it, truly integrating it into my way of life. I'm not there right now, but I'm NOT giving up on this!
21. Consider myself brave and beautiful
Wow, why did I have to set my life goals so high?? There have been so many days since 14 when I have wished for more courage, more grace, more confidence. But when I think about it, deep down inside, I do consider myself brave and beautiful. It's not easy, and it's definitely not about ego. It's just about looking in the mirror and knowing that everything I need is already inside of me. But I can't bring myself to cross this off the list because to achieve this fully, I have to live this fully, and I want to challenge myself to do that until the very end.
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So that's the end of my list. It has been so interesting to be able to look back at who I was, and who I thought I would be one day. Reading through my journal and this list, I still recognize that 14-year-old girl in me and oddly it brings me comfort. Even though a lot of my teenage drama and hysterics make me cringe with embarrassment, I am not that different than her in that I still think with my emotions, I still evaluate myself to see if I am meeting my own expectations, I still hope for great things. I guess it's the continuity that comforts me. It reminds me that I am not lost. I know someday I'll look back at this blog and laugh at myself, maybe roll my eyes at my naivete. But I'm okay with that because it will just mean that I've learned. And when you strip away the details, that's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Things I would like to do in my lifetime (not in any order): Part 3
I was delightfully surprised to see this on the list. I didn't know that it was something I had wanted from such an early age, since I didn't have a mentor myself until college. I am glad I can say with certainty that I have accomplished this. I am a mentor to a sweet and smart young lady.
 |
| G made this for me. It fills me with so much gratitude and love. |
16. Hold a real koala
For rationale, see item #3 from Part 1. I haven't had the opportunity to hold a koala yet, but would love to one day. I would love to go to Australia in general one day. Traveling is one of the things I get anxious about as I think about time marching forward. I worry I will never have the right combination of time, money, and strength to travel the world. Right now I have time and strength, but not enough money. When I have kids, I may not have the time, and when the kids are grown, who knows how old I'll be and I may not have the strength! I think the point of traveling is just to get out of your routine and appreciate a different way of life though, and in that sense, I do get to travel a lot, taking weekend trips, going hiking, checking out new cities. I feel very lucky to even have time, money, and strength for that, even if it doesn't usually involve something exotic as holding a koala.
I have done this 4-5 times throughout my life. I would probably do it more often if it weren't for vanity. I don't like myself in short hair as much!
 |
| My last donation haircut, in 2012, at Le Reve Salon |
18. Join Kiwanis
As I've mentioned before, I was REALLY into Key Club in high school. The "Key" in Key Club stands for "Kiwanis Educating Youth", so naturally I thought that when I got older, I would join Kiwanis. I came very close to joining a Kiwanis club when I moved to DC and reconnected with an old Key Club friend who had stayed involved in the Kiwanis organization ever since. The club members were extremely welcoming and kind people, but I wasn't sure how long I was committed to staying in DC, so I just joined their activities from the sidelines, without ever formally joining. I'm not sure that I ever will join Kiwanis, but I think what my 14-year-old self intended was that I stay involved in community service, which I have tried my best to do.
 |
| Homeless Walkathon 2010 with members of the Washington DC Kiwanis Club |
This hit me in the gut a bit when I read it. The year after I wrote this, I stopped writing in my journals altogether. There was no need to, because I started dating someone who put an end to all the drama and the heartache. From the time we got together, it felt like my life was straightened out, stable, happy. We experienced a great deal of joy and sadness together, communicated well, trusted each other completely, but eventually after five years, it was over. There is a lot I could say about how and why it ended, but the point is just that it hurt a lot, in a slow, drawn out kind of way that felt like it would never stop. It took me a long time to figure out who I was without him. But doing that was one of the most important things I've ever had to do, and opened me up to so much more in life. There are some days when I'm still reminded of the loss and how much it hurt, but I'm glad to be able to cross this off the list.
Ha, this is kind of like keeping in touch with my best friends. Did I really think this was a one-time thing I would be able to achieve and cross off the list? Being in shape is most definitely a lifelong challenge, and one that only gets harder with age! There have been times when I've gotten in shape, and been very proud of myself, but the challenge is maintaining it, truly integrating it into my way of life. I'm not there right now, but I'm NOT giving up on this!
21. Consider myself brave and beautiful
Wow, why did I have to set my life goals so high?? There have been so many days since 14 when I have wished for more courage, more grace, more confidence. But when I think about it, deep down inside, I do consider myself brave and beautiful. It's not easy, and it's definitely not about ego. It's just about looking in the mirror and knowing that everything I need is already inside of me. But I can't bring myself to cross this off the list because to achieve this fully, I have to live this fully, and I want to challenge myself to do that until the very end.
So that's the end of my list. It has been so interesting to be able to look back at who I was, and who I thought I would be one day. Reading through my journal and this list, I still recognize that 14-year-old girl in me and oddly it brings me comfort. Even though a lot of my teenage drama and hysterics make me cringe with embarrassment, I am not that different than her in that I still think with my emotions, I still evaluate myself to see if I am meeting my own expectations, I still hope for great things. I guess it's the continuity that comforts me. It reminds me that I am not lost. I know someday I'll look back at this blog and laugh at myself, maybe roll my eyes at my naivete. But I'm okay with that because it will just mean that I've learned. And when you strip away the details, that's nothing to be embarrassed about.
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