Another post from the end of August, before I found out about my lay-off. I filed it away for later since I hadn't announced my pregnancy yet.
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Two years is not a particularly meaningful milestone, but this year has seen some pretty significant changes for us. I started a new job and ended my wonderemployment period, which has had both positive and negative impacts on our life. We have more money coming in, which allows us to breathe a little easier and be able to splurge on more luxuries, like vacations. The downside is that we once again have two people who come home at the end of the day with work related stress and grievances. No one wants to cook, and more chores slip by undone. I was without a doubt happier working part time, but when I reminisced with Curtis recently on how great my wonderemployment worked out, it turns out he did not remember things so fondly. He thought it was stressful and unstable, but tried to be as supportive of me as he could. I guess the old saying "happy wife, happy life" is not really true, surprise surprise.
The biggest shift of this past year though, has been preparing ourselves to be parents. Even saying that feels weird. We're going to be parents. We wanted and hoped for this, but still, nothing prepared me for how I would feel when I saw the stick turn positive. I felt outside of my body, like I was floating. When I told Curtis, I half laughed and cried, not able to really process what I was telling him. As we stood in the bathroom together, staring at the Magic 8 Ball (aka pregnancy test), the first thing he said, hesitantly, was, "Well I guess we are ready for this... Like financially and stuff." Right then my nose started bleeding. I needed to sit down. It was hard to breathe. I curled up on the bed and cried. His words hit me hard with the reality that this meant we would be having an actual baby, a tiny person dependent on us, demanding so much of our lives. Joy was replaced by crushing anxiety. (Curtis and I both know I did not marry him for his ability to say the right thing at the right time.)
I'm glad to say that things only went uphill from that moment. We were on vacation when we found out, so we got out of our hotel and spent the rest of the day celebrating and smiling at each other and talking about the future. We talked about all the things we had talked about before, except now everything was much less hypothetical. Unlike in the hotel room, these reality checks weren't overwhelming. They were, instead, incredibly reaffirming. We were on the same page before, and still were now. I knew we were doing this together, and nothing could bring me more comfort than that.
My hope for our third year together in marriage, and first as parents, is that we can handle the changes with patience and grace. We have a lot to do to prepare our home and finances for the baby. I am about to get a lot bigger and will have to give birth to this child! Then, if all goes as planned, we will be bringing home a newborn and learning to care for him or her. None of these will be easy. How will these new situations bring out the best and worst of us, as individuals and as a couple? Only time will tell, but my hope is that we will keep reminding each other that even though the days and weeks may get long and tough, we are building the life we dreamt of, and that is the biggest privilege we get in this world.
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Throwback:
On Marriage: Year One
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Two years is not a particularly meaningful milestone, but this year has seen some pretty significant changes for us. I started a new job and ended my wonderemployment period, which has had both positive and negative impacts on our life. We have more money coming in, which allows us to breathe a little easier and be able to splurge on more luxuries, like vacations. The downside is that we once again have two people who come home at the end of the day with work related stress and grievances. No one wants to cook, and more chores slip by undone. I was without a doubt happier working part time, but when I reminisced with Curtis recently on how great my wonderemployment worked out, it turns out he did not remember things so fondly. He thought it was stressful and unstable, but tried to be as supportive of me as he could. I guess the old saying "happy wife, happy life" is not really true, surprise surprise.
The biggest shift of this past year though, has been preparing ourselves to be parents. Even saying that feels weird. We're going to be parents. We wanted and hoped for this, but still, nothing prepared me for how I would feel when I saw the stick turn positive. I felt outside of my body, like I was floating. When I told Curtis, I half laughed and cried, not able to really process what I was telling him. As we stood in the bathroom together, staring at the Magic 8 Ball (aka pregnancy test), the first thing he said, hesitantly, was, "Well I guess we are ready for this... Like financially and stuff." Right then my nose started bleeding. I needed to sit down. It was hard to breathe. I curled up on the bed and cried. His words hit me hard with the reality that this meant we would be having an actual baby, a tiny person dependent on us, demanding so much of our lives. Joy was replaced by crushing anxiety. (Curtis and I both know I did not marry him for his ability to say the right thing at the right time.)
I'm glad to say that things only went uphill from that moment. We were on vacation when we found out, so we got out of our hotel and spent the rest of the day celebrating and smiling at each other and talking about the future. We talked about all the things we had talked about before, except now everything was much less hypothetical. Unlike in the hotel room, these reality checks weren't overwhelming. They were, instead, incredibly reaffirming. We were on the same page before, and still were now. I knew we were doing this together, and nothing could bring me more comfort than that.
My hope for our third year together in marriage, and first as parents, is that we can handle the changes with patience and grace. We have a lot to do to prepare our home and finances for the baby. I am about to get a lot bigger and will have to give birth to this child! Then, if all goes as planned, we will be bringing home a newborn and learning to care for him or her. None of these will be easy. How will these new situations bring out the best and worst of us, as individuals and as a couple? Only time will tell, but my hope is that we will keep reminding each other that even though the days and weeks may get long and tough, we are building the life we dreamt of, and that is the biggest privilege we get in this world.
---
Throwback:
On Marriage: Year One
How awesome that you guys found out while on vacation! I can't wait to meet the little princess!!
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