This Saturday I celebrated my one year anniversary of being a mentor
with YMCA's Reach & Rise program. I am so glad that I took the leap to sign up as a mentor. Seeing how my mentee has grown in just
the course of this year has truly been one of the most rewarding
experiences of my life.
I don't want to say too much about her because I want to protect her privacy and her feelings should she read this someday, but she's 14, loves punk rock, drawing, and spending time with friends. G has had a lot of challenges placed in front of her, especially for a young person, but despite it all she has so much energy and passion. We've done a lot of things together, things that I take for granted but for her are new and exciting, like going out for sushi, doing yoga, bringing cameras out to a garden and appreciating nature through photography. She takes on every new experience with eagerness and an open mind.
When I first found out I was going to be matched with a teenager, I was a bit nervous. I thought of the worst. What if this girl isn't into anything that I plan for us to do together? What if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if I'm just not cool enough?? The first day I met her, all those fears were put aside and I was reminded that sometimes (many times!) stereotypes are just stereotypes. Teenagers can actually be lovely people.
I would never wish to be a teenager again, but I really like being reminded of what it's like to be that age. You feel things more strongly, for better or worse. Seeing her sadness is heart-wrenching, but seeing her get excited (or more like EXCITED!!!!!) is a reward in and of itself. When I got married, G said she thought she was more excited than I was. I laughed and said that was quite possible. It's hard to beat the giddiness of a 14-year-old!
For our anniversary, I took G out to Jack's, where we had our "first date", and talked about our memories and reflections of this year. Even though we will continue to spend time together, I am a big fan of taking time to stop and process. We asked each other questions and took turns writing down answers. An excerpt:
What's your favorite thing about me?
M: Your pure heart. Ever since I've know you, you've always wanted to do the right thing and make other people feel good. It's rare to find that in people. You're a very loving person, and I know that will take you far in life.
G: I LOVE how you make me smile. I can't ever be sad around you, whether I want to or not. One year ago I was so sad and ever since you came in my life I can't stop smiling. I'm less depressed and I am capable of so much more thanks to your encouragement.
She almost made me cry on my food! It made me feel good to know she felt I had made an impact in her life. Even though I think we do have an awesome dynamic, I know a big part of this isn't about who I am at all. It's just about someone being present, someone who will show up when they say they will, listen, and give her space to be her own age. It's pretty simple.
If you have time and energy to spend with a young person, please, please look into being a mentor, a Big Brother/Big Sister, or whatever else that special role might be called. It will make a difference and it will be a friendship unlike any other, I promise.
I don't want to say too much about her because I want to protect her privacy and her feelings should she read this someday, but she's 14, loves punk rock, drawing, and spending time with friends. G has had a lot of challenges placed in front of her, especially for a young person, but despite it all she has so much energy and passion. We've done a lot of things together, things that I take for granted but for her are new and exciting, like going out for sushi, doing yoga, bringing cameras out to a garden and appreciating nature through photography. She takes on every new experience with eagerness and an open mind.
When I first found out I was going to be matched with a teenager, I was a bit nervous. I thought of the worst. What if this girl isn't into anything that I plan for us to do together? What if she doesn't want to talk to me? What if I'm just not cool enough?? The first day I met her, all those fears were put aside and I was reminded that sometimes (many times!) stereotypes are just stereotypes. Teenagers can actually be lovely people.
I would never wish to be a teenager again, but I really like being reminded of what it's like to be that age. You feel things more strongly, for better or worse. Seeing her sadness is heart-wrenching, but seeing her get excited (or more like EXCITED!!!!!) is a reward in and of itself. When I got married, G said she thought she was more excited than I was. I laughed and said that was quite possible. It's hard to beat the giddiness of a 14-year-old!
For our anniversary, I took G out to Jack's, where we had our "first date", and talked about our memories and reflections of this year. Even though we will continue to spend time together, I am a big fan of taking time to stop and process. We asked each other questions and took turns writing down answers. An excerpt:
What's your favorite thing about me?
M: Your pure heart. Ever since I've know you, you've always wanted to do the right thing and make other people feel good. It's rare to find that in people. You're a very loving person, and I know that will take you far in life.
G: I LOVE how you make me smile. I can't ever be sad around you, whether I want to or not. One year ago I was so sad and ever since you came in my life I can't stop smiling. I'm less depressed and I am capable of so much more thanks to your encouragement.
She almost made me cry on my food! It made me feel good to know she felt I had made an impact in her life. Even though I think we do have an awesome dynamic, I know a big part of this isn't about who I am at all. It's just about someone being present, someone who will show up when they say they will, listen, and give her space to be her own age. It's pretty simple.
If you have time and energy to spend with a young person, please, please look into being a mentor, a Big Brother/Big Sister, or whatever else that special role might be called. It will make a difference and it will be a friendship unlike any other, I promise.
Since it was Valentine's Day too, I gave her a mini rose bush and a card.
"Time flies... when I'm having fun with you."
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